As I look at the calendar, only a couple weeks left in America staring me in the face, I am struck with mixed emotions. Goodbye is always bittersweet; it's sad to leave one life behind but exciting to prepare for the next. I've realized how much I truly do love and value my life in California and wish I could somehow bring it along with me. Though the adventure ahead has certain allure, I am beginning to realize that leaving my comfortable life comes with a true cost. To be honest, at times I've struggled. But as I read scripture, I can't deny that Christ calls us to give up ourselves for something so much greater. I've read the passage about how if we find our lives we will lose them, and if we surrender our lives we will find them. It's starting to make sense to me. I've worked hard to a build a life that is good for ME, but what about what God has? If I could build a great life, how much greater must the life he has for me be? Though it sometimes feels like a sacrifice, in the end, I know it will be a blessing. Like Jim Elliot once said, "He is no fool who loses what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose." The only thing that is lasting is the love of God. And as I prepare to head into the jungles of South America, uncertain of what lies ahead, I know that the only steady One I can cling to is Jesus.
There's a song called, "I Will Waste My Life" by an amazing artist named Misty Edwards. This song has inspired me to remember to "waste my life" on the Lord--which turns out to be the farthest thing from waste. Because in the end, despite everything we may lose, He's the only thing we get to keep.
"I will waste my life,
I'll be tested and tried.
With no regrets inside of me,
Just to find I'm at your feet,
Let me find I'm at your feet.
I leave my father's house, and
I leave my Mother.
I leave all I have known, and
I'll have no other.
For I am in love with you,
and there is no cost.
I am in love with you,
and there is no loss.
I am in love with you,
I want to take your name.
I am in love with you,
I want to cling to you, Jesus,
Just let me cling to you, Jesus.
I say goodbye to my father, my mother,
I turn my back on every other lover, and I
Press on, yes I press on.
I say goodbye to my father, my mother,
I turn my back on every other lover, and I press on, yes I press on.
For I am in love with you,
and there is no cost.
I am in love with you,
and there is no loss.
I am in love with you,
I want to take your name.
I am in love with you,
I want to cling to you, Jesus,
just let me cling to you, Jesus,
I want to cling to you..."
-Misty Edwards
